In the Arms of an Angel
by RavenclawGrrl
Summary: Sirius develops a relationship with someone special while staying at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. OotP spoilers.


Title: In the Arms of an Angel  
  
Author: Ravenclawgrrl (padme_patil@yahoo.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned herein belong to JK Rowling and not to me.  
  
Summary: Sirius and Tonks develop a relationship while staying at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Inspired by the song "Angel" by Sara McLachlan.  
  
In the Arms of an Angel  
  
She watched him across the table, his eyes a little too bright, his laughter a little too loud and false. She tried to keep her glance from straying to his glass but couldn't help herself. She looked up to see Remus studying her, silent pleading in his eyes. She hastily looked away, knowing they were both thinking the same thing he's had too much to drink again tonight.  
  
The meal over, Molly rose to begin clearing the table. Tonks jumped up to help her, forcing enthusiasm for the task at hand. The plate clattered from her hand and she heard her own high, false laughter. "Just anything," she thought, "just say or do anything to keep them from noticing how much he's had to drink." From the corner of her eye she could see Remus laughing, too, slapping his arm across Sirius' back at some ridiculous, poorly told joke. She saw that he kept his arm there, supporting his friend, trying to prevent him from stumbling as they made their way towards the stairs and his room.  
  
She gathered up the plate shards and was heading to the table when her eyes met Molly's. "Of course she knows," Tonks thought to herself, "of course she knows and she doesn't say anything because she doesn't want to intrude."  
  
It was a ridiculous charade that they were all in on. The children mustn't know. Even though they were hardly children at all now. And even though those same children were the first to find out that whenever Tonks did stay at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place she rarely climbed the three flights of stairs to her own room, but always turned in at the second landing to his room. Everyone knew and everyone pretended they didn't know. The adults pretended not to know because the children must not know. And the children pretended not to know because they liked thinking they were keeping a secret from their elders. "Pretending," Tonks thought bitterly, "it's what we all do best."  
  
The table was cleared, she noticed. Not a dish or a plate remained to be returned to the kitchen. Every crumb was swept and cleared away. Whatever else you might say about her, Molly certainly was efficient around the house. Tonks thought that she and her mother would get along famously.  
  
She often found herself comparing Molly to her mother. She noted just now how Molly was watching her, her lips pursed thin in what Tonks was sure was disapproval. She was so secure in her own knowledge that Molly disapproved of her relationship with Sirius that she failed to notice the sadness in her eyes. If she had noticed it, Tonks would not have been able to tell if it was sorry for Sirius, herself, or all of them.  
  
"He's in bed, Tonks," Remus whispered behind her. Startled she turned toward him, not having heard him return down the stairs. "I think he'll be asleep soon. Why don't you just go on to sleep yourself?" She smiled faintly. `Go on to sleep' - Remus was suggesting that she go on up to her own room on the third floor.  
  
Wearily, she nodded. She'd like nothing more than to spend the evening with Sirius, but if he had been drinking - well Remus was right. If he had already gotten him to bed, things were just better this way. They both looked up as they heard a soft `thump' from the upstairs bedroom. Of course, everyone else in the room pretended not to hear.  
  
"Tonks," Remus held her gently by the arm as she turned to go up the stairs, "Let me go check on him. He's fine, I'm sure of it."  
  
She smiled at him. Remus didn't pretend. He was too polite to say anything but at least he didn't pretend. "No, it's okay, I'll go."  
  
The sadness in Remus' eyes would have rivaled Molly's. "He does care about you, you know," Remus said softly.  
  
Tonks nodded just a little then turned toward the stairs. She hadn't realized what an eternity it could take to climb two flights of stairs. As she placed her foot on the first tread, she recalled how she'd met the two of them, Remus and Sirius, a few months ago in Bermuda when Dumbledore had sent her to fetch them back. She'd been charmed by both of them instantly; but even more so by Sirius' devil-may-care attitude toward life in general. She'd joined the Order for the greater good, of course, but also for the adventure, the risk and thrill of actually participating in something so clandestine. To her, Sirius embodied all of that - fighting the good fight, against all odds, to the bitter end.  
  
Her relationship with Sirius had been exhilarating, impetuous, as most of her hook-ups usually were. The only difference was this one had lasted. The passion was incredible at first, at least she thought it was. But in her youth, she had confused passion and desperation. And his desperation was slowly turning into depair. Unfortunately, by the time she had realized this, she was hopelessly in love with the mangy mutt.  
  
She paused at the top of the second flight. "Keep going," she commanded herself. "Just keep going on up to your room. He's fine, Remus said so. Remus will come up to check on him in a minute." She was still repeating this to herself as she placed her hand on the door to his - their - room.  
  
"Sirius," she whispered softly, hoping that he wouldn't answer, that he would be asleep. Then she could just lie down beside him and hold him while he slept it off.  
  
"Tonks, love," he mumbled back at her. "Thank God, you've come. I could use a little help here." He motioned around him and she could see that he'd already been sick.  
  
Tonks sighed. It would be useless to call Kreacher to help and of course she just couldn't ask Molly. After all, they all did still have to pretend, didn't they? "It's okay, I'll get that," she whispered. She helped him into fresh pajamas and then Summoned a glass of water for him. While he sipped on that she managed to change the bedclothes and clean up the floor.  
  
"You're really great, Tonks, y'know that?" he slurred. She winced. It always started with how `great' she was. "You're the best, love, I don't know what I'd do without you."  
  
He was sitting on the bed and he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly. She cradled his head and kissed the top of it. "Shhh, Sirius, you should get some sleep," she said, trying to step away. He held her tighter still.  
  
"I don't know what I'd do without you. I just don't know," he mumbled against her.  
  
"It's okay, I'm here, now," she crooned, running her fingers softly through his hair. He started to sob quietly.  
  
"You're always around to help me, Tonks. Please help me."  
  
"Sirius," she answered, pushing gently against his shoulders, trying to get him to lie back on the bed. "What you need is to get some sleep. Let me help you get into bed and you can sleep this off."  
  
He held her in a vise grip at her waist and slid to the floor on his knees, his head still pressing against her. Kneeling at her feet he sobbed again, "Please Tonks, just help me for tonight, just help me."  
  
"Sirius," she choked back her own tears, "don't make me. Not tonight. Please? Just, c'mon, just get up into bed and we'll lie down together and you can get some sleep. Okay?" She tried vainly to lift him up.  
  
"Just this once, Tonks, just one more time. I'll stop asking, I promise." His words were becoming more muffled and slurred, but it didn't matter - she knew it all by heart now, anyway.  
  
"Sirius," she tried, making an even more half-hearted attempt to lift him, "Sirius, that's what you said the last time."  
  
"I mean it," he said, "I really mean it. Just one more time and I won't ask again. I promise. I swear."  
  
Tonks gave a weary sigh. "All right," she said, patting his back like a little child. "All right. Just for a bit." She closed her eyes and concentrated. Her hair lengthened, straightened and became a deep shade of red, darker than the Weasley's. "It's okay, Sirius, I'm here."  
  
Sirius looked up into emerald eyes. "Lily? Lily thank God you're okay. I thought - "  
  
"Shhhhh," `Lily' answered him, "everything's fine. The baby's fine. Everything's just fine. Your plan worked."  
  
"Oh thank God," Sirius hugged the woman in front of him. "I was so worried about you, about James and the baby."  
  
"We're all fine now. Everything's going to be just the way it was."  
  
"Have you seen Harry, Lily? Have you seen him? Doesn't he look like James?"  
  
"Oh course I've seen him," she gave a soft laugh, "of course he looks like his father. He's growing up to be a fine young man himself you know."  
  
"His father, oh God, yes, I know, he looks like his father," Sirius gave another frantic sob and looked up at her. "Please?"  
  
"Sirius, love, it's really hard for me - " Tonks started.  
  
"Just do it for me," Sirius cried out.  
  
"Don't make me, please, Sirius, love, let's just go to bed," it was her turn to be begging him.  
  
"Do it!" he hissed at her.  
  
"Okay, okay," she was patting his back and trying not to cry herself. "Okay, I'll try."  
  
After a moment he heard "Sirius? Padfoot?" The voice that spoke those words was deeper.  
  
"James, you're - you're alive. You're okay?"  
  
"Yes, you cur. Let go of me." `James' gave a deep, hearty laugh that seemed a little too high and a little too forced. Sirius released him but remained kneeling on the ground at his feet.  
  
Sirius looked up at `James' with tears shining brightly in his eyes. "James, James, it's so good to see you. I thought - I thought - Oh God, I'm so sorry." He looked as if he was going to cry again. `James' grabbed his chin and forced him to look at him. He was smiling and laughing a little too gaily.  
  
"Sirius, you mangy mutt, everything is all right."  
  
"No, James, noooo," Sirius hiccoughed and continued, "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have trusted Peter. I shouldn't have suggested it. It should have been me. I should have been your Secret-Keeper. It's all my fault - "  
  
"Sirius, listen, everything is all right. You did just fine. Harry's fine. That's what's important."  
  
"You're fine? The baby's fine?" Sirius was disbelieving, but reassured when he saw his friend's familiar face, glasses, and unkempt hair.  
  
"Yes, we're all just fine. Me. Harry. Lily. We're all fine."  
  
Sirius gave a small laugh of relief. "You take care of them, James, you've got a lot going for you."  
  
"How's that? Me - saddled down with a wife and kid and you still footloose and fancy free. You're the ladies man. You always were - you still are."  
  
"No, no," Sirius made a dismissive motion with his hand. "You're the one with everything going for you. A wife, a house, a family. That Lily, I'm telling you, she's one special witch."  
  
"You think so, do you? Should I be jealous?"  
  
"What? Of me? No, never. It's just that - she's special, you know? She's a great wife, a great mother. And she'd do anything for you, James. You can see that just by looking at her, how she loves you. She'd do anything for you and the baby. Anything at all. You hold on to that. It's special. Maybe someday I'll be that lucky. Maybe someday I'll find someone who loves me like that - someone who loves me the way Lily loves you."  
  
Sirius began to sob again. He didn't hear the catch in his friend's voice or see the tears that slid down `his' face. Nor did he listen to the words as `James' patted him on the back. "You will, mate, you will."  
  
~ Fin ~ 


End file.
